Monday, January 30, 2017

She Tells Everyone I'm Crazy

In one our sessions, anyone who has an issue presents it to the group to get their feedback. The therapist is generally quiet and just moderates the conversation.

On Tuesday Ruth spoke up. "I just find that people at my church make fun of me. They say things like - 'just get over it and why do you need to take medicine'. It is hurtful."

John asked,"Have you spoken with your pastor?"

"He is the worse. He said I needed to get control of myself. That there was nothing wrong with me. And I should not act as if I had a problem."

Margaret asked, "What about your friends? Are they supportive?"

"Not really. They make fun of me. They don't understand."

Levi spoke up, "And your family, certainly they are supportive?"

"No not at all. I have an aunt who just gossips and tells everyone that I am crazy. Every time I go to the doctor or the hospital, she calls family members up to tell them, 'She is doing it again'"

"Doing what again?"

"Acting crazy."

After listening to all this I (gently as I could) said, "Ruth have you thought that if your church family is not supportive then that is not the best place for you. I do not go to church but I do know that a church should be comforting and take care of its own. Especially a pastor. That is the one person who you should be able to count on for support."

"I know, but it is my church."

"And, if your friends and family are stressing you out, then they are toxic. You need to distance yourself from them."

"But they are my family."

Levi added, "Ruth if you are not getting support and worse yet, are being put down and stressed, it doesn't matter who they are, they are not good for you."

The therapist spoke up, "Ruth, I think everyone is right here. If you are not getting love and support from your church then they are making you feel worse every time you go.

"I do. I come home more depressed than ever each time I go."

The therapist continued, "And even though they are your family, you need to cut off the ones who stress you."

After some more conversation, Ruth agreed that this all made sense and she would try to find another church and cut ties with the friends and family who were causing her so much stress.

On Friday, the therapist asked her how things were going? Had she been able to break those toxic ties?

Ruth responded, "Somewhat. My Aunt called last night and all she talked about was how sick I must be not to have shown up for the family dinner last."

The therapist asked, "And how did you handle that?"

"I just listened and apologized."

"And your friends?"

"The one who was bothering me the most told me that I should not listen to you."

"And your church?"

"I went to Wednesday services and the pastor told me I needed to get my life straight."

"Ruth, do you remember what we talked about on Tuesday? And how you said you were going to break those ties and start with a new church and find new friends who were supportive?"

"I know, I know but my family told me if I could not count on my family, who could I count on? And my pastor reminded me that I should be loyal to the church and let God heal me."

John looked at her, "And how's that working for you?"

The therapist intervened," Ruth, we are here to help you. But we can only help if you help yourself."

Peter spoke up, "I just wake up every morning gagging. My anxiety is worse. Mama is still calling me a baby and I do not think anyone likes me."

Ruth, right off the bat, said, "Peter, you need to find some friends who support you and have a frank talk with your mother and tell her that she is not helping you. Don't you take care of her?"

"Yeah, it's only me."

"Then you need to sit down with her and tell her that you learned in therapy that you needed support from her."

"I don't know if I can do that."

Ruth spoke again, "Of course you can. Right now she is a major stress for you. And you can address it."

The therapist laughed, "Ruth that is right. Does that mean you are going to talk with your family and friends?"

"Oh no, I don't think I can do that."

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