Saturday, March 18, 2017

I Am Here, I Think

I am now a firm believer of parallel universes. No, I am not referring to time travel or some science fiction novel by Michael Criton. Perhaps I can best describe it as my world a lot of the time. (And, no, I am not taking some hallucinagic drug, nor am I now physcotic.)

It dawned on me yesterday (I am often slow to get the memo.) that many times I am present in a situation, but not there. Let me explain, as best I can.

Yesterday, being St Patrick's day, I was with a group of friends, folks I really enjoy being with and do not get to see enough of. I found myself often just mentally and emotionally removed from the group. It wasn't as if I were "zoned out", I was participating in the lively conversation and enjoying their company. However I felt removed in a way.

It was as if all of me was not there. I was not​ preoccupied or worried about any particular thing. I was not upset or concerned about some issue in my life. It was as if I had a split personality. Part of me was at the table having a good time conversing with friends. But a good part of me was just "hovering about", totally adrift.

By now, no doubt, I am sure you are thinking - "Duh, she is in an Irish Pub on St. Patrick's Day and not feeling normal. Spare me."

But my mental absence had nothing to do with alcohol or medication. This is a frequent state of my mind. It is as if I am preoccupied with nothing, my mind is almost blank. I am staring into an abyss. All the while I am in the midst of a lively social situation. Well, part of me is participating.

My concern is not necessarily my state of mind but rather what state or city or room or time my mind is in. If it is not here and "I" am here, where is the rest of me? If "I" am split between two universes, for God sakes give me
more information about the other one.

At some point I will get it all together. However the question is, would I rather be here or there?

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