Thursday, February 9, 2017

Thank God it's Only One Daemon

Into every life a little rain must fall. I do not want anyone to think that all my days are rosy. That, unlike those haunted folks in therapy, I am not free of dark days. Oh, the dark clouds descend. Often they come out of nowhere. 

Sometimes they come slowly seemingly like a storm one can see in the distance with the clouds rumbling closer and closer. Other times I find myself in the dark as if someone turned out the lights. But usually, it is a foggy haze that envelopes me and the entire world appears somewhat separate.

I find myself walking through life but removed from everything. It is as if I am a walking zombie, playing the role, but only interacting when totally necessary. If I can quietly remove myself from everyone and everything and suffer in silence. At that time I can get myself together and, hopefully, climb out of the darkness or the fog to find my "normal" self again.

But don't feel sorry for me. I am so much better than so many people in the 25%. (1 in 4 Americans suffer from some form of mental illness.) I could be fighting anxiety and have the frightening fear of things that may happen (or may not). To spend most of the time with my stomach in knots and my chest tight fearing walking into that grocery store, going to the family dinner, or writing a paper for school.

I cannot imagine suffering from agoraphobia and not be able to leave my house, or worse yet, my room. Not being able to even think about walking out the door to even check the mail.  Being totally shut off from the world out there because I cannot go there, except for the very small part that comes to me.

Or to have Multiple Personality Disorder and have two or more personalities. Not knowing who will be speaking, worse yet, trying to get a grasp that there are different people occupying your soul. Can you imagine not knowing which part of you is going to react to a situation or say something? It could be a shy man or brash female or cussing SOB, none of whom you can control. 

Then there are those unfortunate people who have been diagnosed with psychosis. They hear voices in their heads. These voices are real to those afflicted. They cannot separate real from fantasy and have no reason to find the difference without many hours of professional help. Voices come to them from the TV, flickering lights, or the movie screen. 

Often people suffer from a combination of these diagnosises. No, as bad as it is at times, I'll take the card dealt me. Thank goodness I have only one daemon to fight. That's enough for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment